For years I have wanted to write this blog, the idea has been formulating and tapping at my head.  I'd jot notes down on my iPhone, commending technology.
Today, I wake up and feel the need to finally write the first post in Bondi balance.  Where are the notes..... No where.... In my wisdom(!?) I have deleted them, no doubt thinking how clever am I that I even know how to delete something from my smarter than me phone....... And how come I still have a page of notes that only says 'The Tudors TV series''........ I even remember writing it out of politeness in front of the gynaecologist, last person I wanted to offended at that moment!!!! 

So as my rationale brain kicks in and I aim to see the positive side of losing my precious notes,  I realise that this is exactly what this blog is all about.
Would this have happened before kids, is this representative of me searching for that balance that seems so elusive now we are 3 people in this relationship? Not that the notes would have been backed up prior, not that I wouldn't have deleted them prior.

But that I stole a precious glance at them, visualising having 10 minutes to myself not to write but even think of it........ Before the guilt kicked in that I hadn't started the blog, that when would I give myself the time to write, that why do I even want to do this. Add in the snot filled face running at me to snatch the phone, the tussle that ensued, stir in where the hell is my other half, sprinkle over the top oh my god, have I only got two more days to finish that presentation for my client. Last stir.... Oh a lovely bit of resentment, frustration and claustrophobia..... 

Funny thing is once its baked in the oven, for its allotted time (that day), I don't bring out a psychotic mess... It's not quite how I thought it would taste, look or feel.  But it's just right. It's full of promise, awe, just a little nervous tick (and snot). It's peaks and troughs of a journey and one I'd like to share more of.


    I'm english, I got the chance to move to Australia with work and am living the dream.  However I am still searching how to have it all. 


    August 2013